'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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