Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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