I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
