the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
