I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I stole a fireplace last night.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
