I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
