dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
