I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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