I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
