have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
We were destined to go to rehab together
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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