Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
