Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
