The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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