He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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