I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
