saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
