drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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