just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
