no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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