Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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