we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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