i permit you to call me
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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