it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
