there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
