I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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