I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
