So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
