He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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