i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
