oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
