At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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