I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
