he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
