R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
