NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
