I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
