I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize