he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
