what day is it and did you see me today?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
