Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
i think i just lost a toe
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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