I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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