By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Randomize
