Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You may now shotgun with the bride
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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