Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
