nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
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Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
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his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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