He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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