I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
