Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
