Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
