The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
