This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
