She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
