the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
