I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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