apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
