My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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