no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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