If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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