if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
