Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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