My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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