last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
