i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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