Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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