I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
