their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
