I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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