Just cropdusted the office
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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