Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
