My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
