I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
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