If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize