doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
