Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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