Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
