I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
