Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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