I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
