so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize
